I keep trying not to think about it, but then it comes back to me again...what I was doing a year ago this weekend. The big romantic Fourth of July trip with Steve, when we stayed on the Queen Mary and I got to see Disneyland again for the first (and only) time since I was little. That was probably one of the last times I was truly happy, and I can't help but cry when I remember it. :(

I am so alone...and physically alone today again, as usual, in my apartment all day with nothing to do and no-one to hang out with. I hate it.

Okay, so I recently received a copy of the "Alias" XBOX game, used, in the mail from a name and addy I didn't recognize. I figured it must be from Vinnie, since we've been watching "Alias" (and I mentioned the game to him at one point)...but he just told me it wasn't him! :) So now I am really curious! And I noticed that whoever it was bought it through Amazon.com off my wish list apparently...hmm...

If it was you, please 'fess up, and thank you very much!! :D I haven't started playing it yet, but maybe this weekend?

Why is that (roughly) seven months later I still can't get over Steve and the breakup?! :( Meanwhile, he gets to be totally fucking happy with his new girlfriend that everybody loves, and undoubtedly never even thinks about me. I fail.

I still feel like I can never trust anyone enough to open my heart up again...

We were recently informed that we had to submit our program bios for "The Mikado" by Monday (I wish they'd send us the rehearsal sched already, grar!!), and we had a limit of 20 words or under. Doh! :( I am known for my lengthy, somewhat creative bios (for both myself and other people), and when I first started one before I noticed the limit, my first sentence alone was 20 words! Damn, this was a challenge. So, here's the somewhat lame 20 words I just came up with and emailed to Mitch:

"This is Sarah's tenth UMGASS semester and second Mikado! In her spare time she enjoys yoga, Scrabble, and occasional modeling."

They didn't take program pics at the auditions, so I guess those will come later...I'm looking forward to rehearsals finally starting, although things in my life are already getting so hectic as of late that it's gonna definitely be a busy summer!

Oh, and I am feeling much better (and not barfy) today, thanks for your concern guys. :) We get to leave work two hours early, i.e. at 3:00, thanks to the holiday weekend! I have a bunch of errands to run after that though...like deposit my first transcription-job check from Julian at the bank, woot!

P.S. A very happy birthday to my sister, Laura!! She is thirty-two today...I still can't believe I'm gonna be thirty in November. We gettin' old.

I got really nauseous yesterday on the bus home from work (and almost threw up several times, especially once I got home!)...I chalked it up to maybe motion sickness from an extra bumpy bus or something. But I've been nauseous most of today and keep feeling on the verge of throwing up (but it won't come, grar!)...and just now while walking from the bathroom back to my office I suddenly got dizzy and started to fall down (but caught myself). Hmmm...I hope this isn't the start of something! :( Matt is picking me up soon to go see "Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull", and we were gonna do dinner beforehand; I'm thinking I shouldn't eat yet in this condition.

Yaaay, I have a Rilo Kiley concert partner now - my sister Laura, of all people! (I didn't even realize she liked them...although, come to think of it, I do remember one of their albums being on her wish list at one point.) We're gonna go to Royal Oak on Sun after the whole Detroit brunch thing. I'm psyched about R.O. too, I haven't been there in forever and tis a chic (albeit pretentious!) little town...anyway, phew, I can stop bugging people to go with me now. :)

In completely unrelated news, I just watched my latest Netflix - "Race You To The Bottom," an Amber Benson indie. (She plays a girl having an affair with a bi boy who has a boyfriend, as does she!) Kind of wandering and plotless, but Amber has a rare starring role and is wonderful, so I highly recommend to fellow Amberholics!

*back to NYC apartment and job searching*

Damn, I just won two free tickets from Metro Times again! :) This time for the Rilo Kiley show in Detroit this Sunday night, will call...am uber-psyched, cuz I keep missing all their MI shows and have thus never seen them live!! I have copies of three of their albums, not the latest ones yet though, alas. Oh, and I have quite the crush on Jenny Lewis, of course! Now I just gotta figure out who to go with, hmm...

I love free things. Especially tix! :D This week has been rather overwhelmingly busy and stressful so far too, so this will be another nice treat. I'll be in Detroit Sun afternoon as well, since Laura and I are having a birthday brunch with Ron and Liz at the new MGM casino that day (Laura's b-day is Friday and Ron's was yesterday), which should be fun as well...on Saturday I'm getting my hair colored and possibly cut, and then seeing my friend Kathryn (from UMGASS)'s senior recital at Kerrytown! (Am also talking to a few photographers from ModelMayhem trying to see when we can get together to shoot sometime...) So, tis gonna be a busy-ass weekend as well as week, although hopefully a pleasant one, anyway.

P.S. Okay, one person I asked so far can't go to RK as he'll be outta town. *works down the list*

ETA: Oops, my bad - the show's not in Detroit, it's in Royal Oak, at the Royal Oak Music Theatre. I hope I can find someone!!

Uh, why is last Friday's ep of "Battlestar Galactica" (i.e. "Guess What's Coming To Dinner") not up on scifi.com?! Dangit...I missed it and was assuming I could catch up on it there, as usual...so, wha?

(Btw, I did manage to finally see the "Top Model" finale thanks to YouTube, hurrah! And I loved both of the final two, so was actually content with the winner for the first time since, hmm, CariDee?)

After not having been able to make it there for YEARS, today I finally managed to attend the Motor City Comic Con again...and see freyalorelei, for the first time, we realized, since the Labor Day 2005 Hudson yoga workshop on Long Island, daamn!! :) We seriously need to see each other more...except, of course, she lives in Muskegon, I don't drive (although she now does!), and will be off to the East Coast anyway. Still, twas good to see her again, as adorable as ever in all black (custom-made corset-y top and fishnet sleeves, ooh!). And we only got lost on the way back from Novi, lol...

The Con has moved from the Novi Expo Center to the massive (new?) "Rock Financial Showcase," also in Novi. Ah, I have soo many fond memories from past trips with Sue (my only local friend who was obsessively into Xena, Buffy, ABBA, and Kate Winslet, hehe, and a lesbian to boot! She has, however, since moved out of state...le sigh...) and Dean, who I introduced the con to (and couldn't make it this time)...not to mention I first met Freya herself in person at the con!

Well, this wasn't quite as satisfying at the cons of yore, for several reasons...mostly it added up to less selection of merch - despite being in a seemingly larger, warehouse-like space, there were considerably less booths, and less stuff in general. Freya was gobsmacked to discover that there were no dice for sale in the entire place, and only one table that had a few roleplaying games? At one point a vendor explained to Freya that apparently there was some crackdown in recent years on all the bootleg dvd's sold at the con, with some sellers being led out of the hall in handcuffs! And since then he said the con has lost like 40% of its vendors, or something, as a result...when she mentioned that to me, I did realize that I hadn't noticed all the dvd tables as usual. I guess I'm glad I picked up some bootlegs back when I could. ;) (Mostly just homemade vhs collections of Xena and Buffy interviews and bloopers and things though, back in the day...and a vhs bootleg of "Naked Killer"! This was back before I had a dvd player obviously, and most stuff was still sold on vhs, even. Anyway, twas a great place to pick up an obscure Hong Kong action flick, preferably dubbed, or something like the infamous "Star Wars Christmas Special".)

At least there were still a few of the old regular vendors I remembered...like this guy that sells loads of Xena and Buffy magazines/books/comics among all his wares; Freya bought the second volume of the "Firefly" companion book (I want!) and almost got a book of Neil Gaiman interviews. He had a whole shelf of Gaiman stuff, all 25% off no less! Freya was shocked that I still haven't actually read any Gaiman; ironically, I have his blog on my flist though! Hee. Eventually, I'm sure...I almost bought the first collection of the Buffy "Season Eight" comics there myself, but ultimately passed (for money reasons more than anything)...

There was also this same place that does all t-shirts, a fantastic selection...they had quite a few I fancied, but I decided I couldn't really chuck $20 on a shirt at the moment. So Freya insisted she buy one for me, aww! :D I picked this cute blue shirt of "The Goonies" (80's childhood fave; if you have not seen it I shall smack you!):


(Forgive my iSight camera's reversal of the image...btw, I got a M, and at the time was all worried that it might be too big, as it looked sort of baggy...but no, it's very snug! If anything too snug; I'm praying it doesn't shrink too much, heh. Freya also got a cute black "Serenity" top for herself; I gotta get one of those eventually.)

The t-shirt was my only acquisition (aside from a photo for Juliet Landau to sign, of course)...but the whole con trip was worth it for a) a chance to see Freya, b) a chance to meet Juliet, and c) just seeing all of our fellow nerds in their element. I did also come across some artists in the art section that impressed me; I snagged a few business cards and such so I can peruse their sites later.

I only took a handful of photos, but naturally I made sure to get one (two, in fact, as it turned out!) with Juliet Landau, woo! :D More about all that, and pics, behind the cut!

( Freya, me, Juliet 'Drusilla' Landau, and some more random geeks! )

Well, if you check my journal out you'll see that I finally gave it a new layout tonight! :) Twas a premade custom style 2 one I found on refuted, am still tweaking it here and there. I've been meaning to give my lj a little more personality and prettiness for ages now, so this is definitely long overdue.

In other news:

1) I still haven't checked my flist for the past several days, as I was valiantly attempting to avoid any possible spoilers on the "Top Model" finale (which I forgot to tape Wed night while I was out; thankfully twill re-air tomorrow night at 7!!)...however, I inadvertently got spoiled on the winner today, thanks to a comment at Feministing, of all places...ah well. Anyway, I certainly need to catch up on you folks asap!

2) My free night at the opera this past Wednesday was an absolute blast, and I ADORED "La Traviata"!! Ahhh...I meant to post about it on Thurs, but things have been so crazy-busy lately, both at work and at home. I've been job-hunting big-time, for one, and also devising other ways I can raise some cash for NYC. One of them I already commenced this week - my NYC friend Julian is paying me to do some transcription for his theatre company, to copy chapters from a book on The Doors into digital text for their use on the Doors show they're working on developing! I finished my first chapter yesterday, and at $20/hr I already made $90 for the 4.5 hours it took, wahoo! (Not to mention I inadvertently learned a lot about the Doors; No-one Here Gets Out Alive is a great book, btw.) Julian estimates the whole thing may pay around $900, which would be a great help to the move-to-NYC fund - plus he may even have more books for me to work on! Who knows, maybe this ModelMayhem thing may even lead to some paying modeling gigs; I've already had interest from lots of photogs and may be starting some next weekend or the week after possibly. Anyway, if you know of any other ways I can make some money, please let me know, thanks!

But, I digress..."La Traviata" was amazing and did NOT feel like three hours (especially with the two intermissions and a brief "pause" for a set change in Act 2); the sets and costumes were gorgeous, the cast fantastic, and I loved both Verdi's sublime music and the typically larger-than-life drama of the story...I'm a sucker for a good tragic romance/romantic tragedy, especially when someone dies in the end, hehe. (And is there an opera where some poor woman doesn't die in the end? ;) Seems to be the case with so many..."La Boheme," "Carmen," etc. etc...but then I guess a proper diva deserves a proper melodramatic death scene.) I did recognize a lot of the music, even aside from "Libiamo ne lieti calici" (sp?). The "gypsy" (and matador) song in Act 2 especially seemed familiar. Btw, the Detroit Opera House is quite beautiful; I hadn't been there in a while and had not really remembered it! I seriously need to get to the opera more often (ah, if only it could always be free), and there are still about a zillion classic operas I have not seen!

Not only was the opera itself a joy, it was really a treat for me just to a) get out of the house (especially on a weeknight), and b) spend some rare social time with a friend, in this case fellow UMGASSer Matt Grace. (Who even dressed up for the occasion, as did I!) We had some great conversation, and decided we need to definitely need to hang out more often. We even ran into a couple UMGASSers in the parking structure afterwards, who had also come from the Opera House of course; I forget their names though, they're techie people (old guy and woman with short red hair?).

3) All in all this week things seemed to be looking up for me; even just small accomplishments or happy moments really helped raise my spirits and my hope a bit more...which I totally needed, especially after last week. I also finished watching all of "Alias" Season One on library dvd's (I think Sydney-as-role-model is helping my attitude and confidence as well, incidentally), got through more great Netflix dvd's, and am working my way through a big stack of books, mostly from the library. For instance, right now I'm in the midst of both The Mindful Way Through Depression and Suze Orman's The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke (lol, and I am certainly all of those things!). I'm also still halfway through Relocating to New York City and Surrounding Areas by Ellen Shapiro, 2nd edition...and have another depression book and another Suze Orman book in the pile as well.

4) Tomorrow should also be a fun day for me, as freyalorelei (who I haven't seen in YEARS!!) and I are going to the Motor City Comic Con in Novi! I can't really afford to buy much stuff or anything, but Juliet Landau (aka Drusilla from Buffy, see icon!) is gonna be there, huzzah...and it'll be nice to just see Freya and get our geek on together. Hmm, what shall I wear...I need to do laundry in a major way, unfortunately... :)

Well, I should be getting to bed about now, seeing as it's almost midnight (!) and I do have to get up tomorrow morning for the con. Ciao for now!

"And yogurt is the official food of women." Btw, I prefer Silk soy yogurt...preferably blueberry...

I truly can't even remember how it felt to be loved anymore. :( And I still fear I will never have that again...

Sometimes you just need a dose of "The Lambeth Walk" (from 'Me and My Girl') to keep ya going on an afternoon at work...Robert Lindsay FTW! :)



(I saw M&MG as a little kid in London, incidentally; I believe we did see it with Lindsay although I'm not 100% positive...)

I want an Obama hug, too! :)



Oh, the warm fuzzies...I wonder if there are any pics out there of Obama with kittens? Hee. (Yes, I am a dork! I can't imagine hugs with Hillary or *shudder* McCain being this good though, can you?)

Yess!! They FINALLY emailed out the cast list for the UMGASS special summer prod of "The Mikado" (i.e. the one in Jackson at the Michigan Shakespeare Festival), and I'm on it, woo-hoo!! :) My weekend of anxious waiting is over, heh...awesome.

And I see lots of familiar names...including David Andrews as Ko-Ko, ahem?! This has to be you, felixbunay, noo?? :) Claire as Katisha (the old hag character), hee, that'll be interesting...she's both young and petite (and decidedly attractive), but hey, she made the Fairy Queen work, so I guess I have faith. And yay, Megan (Cary, one of our adorable high schoolers) is in the chorus again! The two girls who auditioned in my "group", Zerrin and Courtney, both made it of course (they were fantastic sopranos) - Zerrin is Peep-Bo, even. Dunno the girl playing Yum-Yum, Eden Casteel...Nick Fitzer is Nanki-Poo, hmm, that name sounds familiar? And Mitch Bradley got Pish-Tush, coolness! I'm happy for him. Dunno Larry Henkel, the Mikado...or Brad Walker, Pooh-Bah. Becky is Pitti-Sing, btw, Dan!

Megan, Lori Gould (who I think wanted Katisha; I heard them having her sing a bit of Katisha at her audition in addition to her song, too) and Laura Hassold are the only other chorus gals I actually know in this one, huh (well, and I "know" Lucy Head in that she's Julia's younger sister, but that's about it)...of the guys I just know Lawrence, Tyler, Robby (Griswold, our Strephon from Iolanthe, yay! I was hoping he'd get Nanki-Poo though, aww; I hope he'll still do the show?), and Greg Hassold. Oh wait, Mark Haviland - isn't that the STAC guy?! He does performing stuff, too?

So yeah, my 10th (and probably final, sob) UMGASS show will be my 2nd 'Mikado'! And my first time getting paid to do a show (something I already adore and do for free, obviously), a "small stipend" anyway - they haven't elaborated on how much that will be...but simply the idea is gratifying. :) Makes me feel almost professional! It'll also be my first G&S/UMGASS show not at the Mendelssohn, hmm, that'll be surreal...I hope ppl will still be willing to drive out to Jackson to see me. :D (Speaking of which, once we move into the theatre in Jackson I'll have to snag rides from/to Ann Arbor with fellow cast members, I guess...I assume rehearsals until then will be at STAC.)

Anyway, I'm sure the auditions were competitive so I'm quite grateful to have made it. Huzzah! Rehearsals don't actually start till June; we have a very brief rehearsal period in June and July b4 the show runs at the very beginning of August. Having already done it I already know all the music by heart of course though; have been listening to the D'Oyly Carte on my iTunes at work this week too, even.

"But youth of course must have its fling, so pardon us, tra la la la la la la la...etc..." :)

I get to don a kimono again, and "become geisha"! I just hope I manage to get a better wig than the '06 Mikado; I got stuck with one way too small for (admittedly massive) head, and they ended up having to spray-paint the back of my head black every night, blah. Not fun.

I wish more of my UMGASS female friends were gonna be in this one, but eh, I'll meet some new people at least...and it'll be nice to hang with Megan, Robby and Mitch again! (And David Andrews, if that is in fact you?! Lol.)

Can't wait to sing "Three little maids" again, among everything else!! All of the Mikado music is simply phenomenal, even for the female chorus folk...

Just finally got to see another ol' over-the-top camp classic on dvd thanks to Netflix - the infamous "Valley of the Dolls"! Hehe, definitely worth the rental..."Neeeeely!! Neeeely O'Haraaaaa!!!" Bwahaha! I only wish I coulda see the L.A./NYC uber-camp stage production of it, as featured in the hilarious dvd documentary...so very much of the gay. Love it. (Oh, and this was the first thing I think I'd ever actually seen poor Sharon Tate in, the Manson murder victim...aside from being astoundingly beautiful, she actually did have some real acting talent, sigh.)

Still no Mikado cast list, arghh... :( I just wanna know, either way!! The waiting is really starting to get to me...and it's so hard not to think about it.

Btw, anyone know if "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" (yes, I know it's not a sequel) is at all worthy of viewing?

Also, I knew the name "Ted Casablanca" in the movie sounded way familiar; realized afterwards when I saw him in the documentary that tis the stage name of that gay E! entertainment gossip guy, lol. So that's where he got it from! And here I thought that might actually just be his given name...

I just got an email from Metro Times saying that I won one of their weekly contests - two tickets to "La Traviata" at the Detroit Opera House (May 14th)! :) Now I just gotta decide who to go with, ooh...I have several candidates in mind, along with my aunt Lizzie. Dilemma!! (But a pleasant dilemma to have!) Man, I haven't been to the opera in yeeeears (well, not counting the comic operas I'm actually in with UMGASS, lol, or see of theirs)...technically I think I've still only seen two live ("Aida," in Verona, Italy no less! Not a bad place to see yer first opera, I'd say! The other was "La Boheme" in Ann Arbor) and one on video, my beloved "Carmen" (the Placido Domingo/Julia Migenes Johnson version, which kicks ass!! I still need to own it; I have the soundtrack). This will be a much-needed chance to expand my opera knowledge/experience! And it's Verdi, so I'm guessing it's gotta be excellent...wonder if I know any of the music? I should look up the song listing.

Yes, I know I haven't posted in weeks, my bad! :) Things have again been busy (mostly for the good, actually), and I don't know, I've somehow become less lj-addicted, it's weird! I do regret that I've fallen waay behind on my friends page though, eep...hopefully I can get a bit caught up soon.

P.S. I auditioned for Mikado Tues night, and am now waiting for the results this weekend! Ack! I didn't make the callbacks list, which they emailed out (callbacks are Fri night), but that doesn't mean I'm not cast; the callbacks are generally for principal types only (and I wasn't angling for Yum-Yum or anything)...I know this is gonna be a competitive one, though. *fingers crossed*

P.P.S. I finally saw "Myra Breckinridge" for the first time last night, thanks to Netflix, and thanks of course to my dahling Beckie's original recommendation, heh! (I always loved her lj icon of the yummy poster image, especially.) It is so awesomely bad in the most bizarre and fabulous way...Raquel Welch as a man-hating bi tranny hottie, for starters... ;) And a 70something Mae West, still rolling off the innuendo-laden one-liners! I love it! I totally need to own the dvd now, especially for the unrated version (Netflix only has the R-rated disc)...I'm even curious to check out Gore Vidal's book, apparently he loathed the film version with a passion (and I can see why, lol). Mae hated Raquel on set too, the making-of featurette details what a complete disaster the entire production was, which just makes it all the more fascinating!

Huzzah, the cover of the new Alanis album has been revealed! :)



Quite pretty, methinks...I am so looking forward to some new Alanis tunes. As agentmichi and I once noted, her albums always seem to eerily mirror/address what I'm going through at that particular time, it's uncanny!

Other randomness:

- I began a new library book this afternoon (one I'd spotted in Crazy Wisdom first, actually, and then looked up on the library's catalog site), The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What, by research psychologist Terri Apter. Tis rather fascinating so far, exploring the complex ways in which the sister relationship affects and informs who we are and become, in ways previously un-investigated. (She points out that the parent-child relationship has, of course, been a primary focus of the study of family dynamics thus far, and the sibling bond generally approached more vis a vis how it relates to the parental relationship...)

Anyway, it can be a tad academically dry at times, but is nonetheless an informative and thought-provoking read thus far. It's already making me examine elements of my history with my own older sister naturally (and how it's shaped my identity, for better and worse)...and Apter as a younger sister herself also makes sure to probe the experience of the younger sister and not just the typical older sister displacement trauma story. She addresses the way that sister (and sibling) relationships in general are almost intolerably ambivalent in their complicated, paradoxical mix of love and hate, rivalry and protection/support...and furthermore how such layered, highly contradictory connections in fact are akin to our other, non-familial relationships as well (and especially how sisterhood affects our female friendships, which also often contain rivalries both subtle and overt within their framework of affection).

So yeah, good book. :) I highly recommend it already, and I'm only 34 pages in!

- The finale of VH1's "Rock of Love 2" is on tonight, and I am naturally rooting for Ambre, one of the sanest, smartest, sassiest people to have entered that house (although I liked Jessica, too!). Of course, it's not like Bret is actually going to seriously love whoever wins forever anyway, and Ambre realistically probably deserves better than the likes of him, but eh...it's fun guilty-pleasure entertainment. ;) (Speaking of which, I think I'm now hooked on Bravo's "Step It Up And Dance"...which is delightfully gay - apropos for Bravo - and hosted by Elizabeth Berkley, no less! Mah homegirl Nomi Malone! Hehe. I've missed her. Jerry Mitchell of B'way fame is their coach-type person too, yay, love him!)

- Next Saturday is the fabulous annual Smithee Awards, wheee...they've moved to MLB this year, as apparently the Chem Bldg will be out of commission that weekend, alas. I'm psyched!! Laura's not sure yet whether she'll be attending, I may ask some friends too...at least I don't have to miss an UMGASS video party for it this time as I always seem to do...(The Yeomen dvd's are ready now though, I gotta mail Karl my check!) Nothin' like an evening of hilariously terrible movie clips and snacks/drinks of unnatural colors and flavors, hehe.

Other stuff is, of course, going on in my life lately (both good and bad), but I don't really feel like getting into it all just now...I'm kinda feeling more optimistic however, and like I'm getting in some good work on my own healing, too, mentally and emotionally at least (and physically, to a lesser extent). Today, especially.

Well, ta for now! Hope you all had a splendid weekend, or at least a halfway decent one. :)

P.S. I can now highly vouch for Papa John's "six cheese pizza" (with the thin crust, mmm, and pineapple, my fave topping!)...and am totally jonesing to check out the cocktails at Cafe Zola now, ooooh. (Someone was raving about their martini's to me this weekend, and so I am uber-curious. Drinks, anyone?) Particularly the "iced Godiva orange mocha" and mango martini...I've always wanted to try a bellini, too. Hmmm.

Come to think of it, I dunno if I've had alcohol at all thus far in '08? Oh wait, I did have some wine with someone a few months ago once...still. It's no wonder I'm such a lightweight, I drink so rarely!

P.P.S. Latest Netflix dvd rental and recommendation: "Indie Sex," the Independent Film Channel documentary, with four eps on two discs, I believe. Semi-hosted by Dita Von Teese, even! I watched the first disc last night and was enthralled; sexuality and film are two of my big interests both academically and personally, so I eat that kinda stuff up with a spoon...especially when you've got commentators like Jamie Babbit, Guinevere Turner, Heather Matarazzo, Peter Sarsgaard, and John Cameron Mitchell! It also reminded me about a lot of sexy movies I still need to see, so I added a slew of em to my queue. ;)